


A funky romance

by Hobnob69



Category: Donkey Kong (Video Games), Donkey Kong Country, RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M, Nandos, bendelacreme has oesteoperosis, bendelacreme is a paper boy, but id do it all again, i got the shits, last time I went nandos, lesbian turned straight by funky kong, oesteoperosis, piri Piri sauce, sometimes the things you love the most hurt you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 15:37:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17604092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobnob69/pseuds/Hobnob69
Summary: Trixie Mattel is your average run of the mill lesbian cross dresser, but what shall she do when hunger strikes? She goes to Nando’s with the intention of eating piri piri chicken but finds something slightly greater...love.





	A funky romance

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I have a complex relationship with Nando’s. I know this chick that works there from my 6th form and she’s like bisensual which is fine but I just don’t want her handling my food :/ not in like a homophobic way or anything. If she can’t choose between boys or girls how is she meant to choose the right spices to use in my chicken??? 
> 
> Enjoy

Trixie felt her stomach growl like some sort of big cat. She patted her large sapphic belly and nodded knowingly. 

“You want Nando’s, don’t you?” She spoke to her gut just as a mother would to her unborn child. She knew in her heart only 10 Peri Peri chicken wings would satisfy her hunger.

She reached into her All stars money jar and took out a fiver. Stuffing it in her cooch hastily, she left the house just in time to see bendelacreme doing her morning paper round.

“Ben you bint can you fuck off im trying to get to Nando’s” Trixie roared with the ferociousness of a woman denied of seasoned chicken. 

“Oi oi sorry miss Trixie. It’s just that your amazon packadge is ere’ it is!” Ben said tipping her hat and handing Trixie the parcel with her one working hand. “Whilst your ere do you think you could spare a fiver for me operation?? I only need a little and-“

Trixie ignored the orphan and got in her Fiat 500. She pulled out of the driveway hitting Ben in the process.When she finally made it to Nando’s, the smell was almost too much to handle. The distant hiss of free range chicken hitting the sizzling hot skillet drove her to ecstasy. The thought of chips seasoned with salt and pepper soaked in a sweet chilli dip made her spaff in her pants. Fucking hell.

Making her way to the counter she was about to order when she felt a hairy hand on her shoulder. Turning around she gasped as she saw the stranger.

“Pardon me but...could I treat you to a wing roulette plate? You look like a woman who likes a bit of spice...extra hot maybe?” The enegmatic stranger said, flashing a yellow grin (probably stained from all the Nando’s.)

Trixie was stunned. The man was large in stature and had thick brown hair with a bandana and a pair of shades. His wife beater shirt was covered in mango chutney and Trixie almost wanted to lick it off him. He was a gorilla but she accepted she’d fuck him.

“You really know how to treat a lady.” Trixie giggled in a thick northern accent, pulling her mini skirt over her exposed minge. “My names Trixie.”

“And mine is funky kong. Say, let’s order up and take a seat shall we?” Funky said kissing her hand with his monkey lips.

Trixie considered this for a moments. She’d never been into dudes because she’s a fat sapphic bimbo. Then again, he was such a gentleman. How could she refuse free Nando’s?

“Yeh go on then.”

Once they sat down Trixie began to eat her wings seductively, making eye contact with funky kong as she did so. He smiled and spoke in a low tone.

“You’ve got exquisite taste milady...I knew I had you pegged for a chicken wings girl. I have to admit, im here almost every day for the bodacious menu selection, and I always see you with the same hunger and desire as me. We are the same you and I, which is why I couldn’t resist you.”

He took her hands but Trixie wasn’t done with the platter yet, so she biffed him in the face.

“There’s something you should know about me funky...I haven’t been completely honest with you...”

“What is it dearest?” He said, wiping some of the sauce from the corner of her mouth romantically.

“I’m,,,more of a mild Peri Peri sauce kind of person. Extra hot makes my shits come out like cottage pie...I’m sorry.”

Funky took a deep breath and folded up his sunglasses. He then got down on one knee and looked to Trixie with passion in his eyes.

“That’s just the thing Trixie. Love crosses over all boundaries. We may be from two different worlds, but hot and mild sauces can’t tear our love apart. Or the fact I’m a gorilla and you’re a drag queen with 13 year old fans that seem to think you’re a lesbian. I love you my queen. I think you’re...rambunctious. Will you marry me?”

Funky took out a ring made of chicken bone and slid it wetly on her finger. This was the happiest moment of her life.

“Yeah go on then.” 

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> wish a man like funky kong would sweep me away. He has strong arms.


End file.
